Surprised myself

While this may seem like not a big deal to most people, I did something today that was a big deal to me. I went to Rural King (not a big deal) with K (not a big deal in and of itself) and I went with him alone (big deal) in his vehicle (big deal.) I told him that I was nervous and he offered to immediately turn the truck around and pick up one of the children if it would make me feel more comfortable. I didn't want to drag my children into my issues and I knew where my mental panic was coming from so I said no and just decided I needed to deal with it. I don't get "ick" feelings from him (I would never allow him or his family near the children if I did) and knew that all my discomfort was from me and my issues. When we got back, I looked at Husband and told him "I climbed in the truck, saw the stick shift and mumbled to myself 'at least the truck isn't red.'" He gave a small chuckle because he knows the reference. K looked at me wondering what I was talking about. I didn't explain because the children were around.

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When I was taken from my parents and placed in foster care, I had to see a child psychologist who specialized in children who had been abused. He drove a red pick-up truck and it was a standard. He would take me to water parks, out for lunch, bought me a bicycle, coat, hats, gloves, and all kinds of things. He was very "nice" to me. He also groped me as I sat in the truck. He even gave me driving lessons by having me sit on his lap as he drove. He also took me to his house. A lot. While he himself never penetrated me, he used other things. Supposedly to check the damage that my father did "down there." I had to see him for three years. I stared seeing him when I was nine. I stopped seeing him when I was moved to a different part of the state.

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Yesterday, the farrier came and took care of the donkeys. The hooves are getting better. The front left hoof is still in bad shape, but not as bad as it was when we first got them. Snowball is shedding and her pink skin is showing. The farrier assured us that this is normal. That it does happen and that her fur will grow back. In the meantime, I am concerned about sunburn.

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I am trying to spend more time with the donkeys because I want them broken and able to listen to commands as we do work around the farm.

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There are still no kids. I called K and T and asked if they knew anything about kidding and milking. They will be coming over tomorrow for a crash course in both. They are our new back-ups and living less than two miles away, they are able to be here quickly if need be. Can I just say that I am thankful for their friendship? God has definitely put them in our lives.