Thursday, September 10, 2009

I made a decision

I had a few conversations tonight which made me see what I knew was there, but was refusing to see.  

D had said that "If it ain't working for you, you need to get rid of it."

B had told me about her cardiac issues and hers started out similar to mine.  Until stress and exhaustion triggered something and she nearly died.  My tachycardia has been bad.  I am walking around McDonald's clutching my chest because of my heart racing and as a result, unable to function very well.  Stress, exhaustion, and dehydration make it worse.  And all three happen there.  I am not allowed to have even a small cup of water with me out of sight and I can't just get a drink when I want.  When I do drink, inevitably, I have to go to the bathroom.  And I can't just run to the bathroom when I want.  As a result, my kidneys start hurting because of the backed-up urine which creates more stress which makes the tachycardia worse which dehydrates me more which makes it worse which makes me need more water....

Can you guess where I was heading?

I asked Husband how he would feel if I quit.  He said "relieved."