Monday, July 11, 2011

Hannah Update and "Stuff"

I took Hannah into the clinic today and she is fine.  She will continue to ooze a bit from her head for a while as a scab tries to form, but other than that, she is fine.  Because she was favoring her arm, x-rays were taken to make sure it was ok.  Because she is so young, comparative x-rays were taken of the opposite arm.  She is fine, energetic, and full of mischief.

I knew she fell off the tree stand.  I knew (after she fell) that there were rocks on the tree stand.  (According to her, Bethany and Charlie put them up there.)  I find out today at the clinic that she had been throwing rocks and she tripped over the pile of rocks on the tree stand she had been throwing from.  I will have her look up words such as "irony" and "karma" at a later date.

As for the other issue, I was debating even posting this rude comment because of the spite, anger, and incredibly ignorant attitude behind it, but instead, I will address it and hopefully further the education of my readers on the issue of domestic violence and reality vs tv show drama.

If I remember correctly, you left your ex husband because he was abusive, yet left your children there. I understand the need to get away etc, but not going back to get your kids I will never ever ever understand. You appear to be reasonably smart women. You have a voice, yet you never used it to protect your children. You went on, had another family. WOW! You have a crap load of answering to do, I would be worried if I were you too.

First of all, I did not "leave my children there."  I fought for them and lost.  Family and civil court do not follow the same "rules" as criminal court.  Custody cases, divorce proceedings, restraining orders are all done in civil court or family court.  There is no "beyond reasonable doubt."  Yet, the order of the judge is just as binding as in criminal court.  If I had grabbed my children, I would have either led my life hiding from the law, flee the country, or gone to prison.

Yes, I had a voice.  My voice at that time was stifled by a man who had tried to kill me.  Who had squashed it into the ground so much, he knew how to act and what to say and how to get his lawyer to shut me down.  I am not the same person now that I was then.  Then, I was not strong enough to fight back.  I did not have inner strength and I did not have money for an attorney.  (Remember, this is family court.  There are no assigned attorneys.  However, one can be bought as my ex- did.)

There is a very good link here that talks about (California specific, but applies to pretty much any state) about family court.  There is also a story here about a woman who had to kidnap her children and flee the country and get amnesty in a different country because of the failure of the court system in this country when it comes to domestic violence.

Yes, I went on to have another family.  It was not something I set out to do.  When I met my husband, I specifically told him that I refused to get married ever again.  "Been there, done that, nearly lost my life" was how I put it to him.  Having another family is not something I will apologize to anyone for.

My biggest worry in contacting (besides everything I shared yesterday) is awakening the wrath of my ex-.  What kind of backlash will that have?  Will I put my children here in danger?

As for the rest of it, Oregon Friend, you need to educate yourself on what domestic violence is, how it impacts a person's life, and how the system works to routinely fail the victims and the children.  Start by reading here and then try working in a shelter.  Help some of these women through the system then get back to me and tell me what a crappy peson I am and how I am the one who failed.  When you are done judging me and the rest of the victims and you finally learn that it is the system that is supposed to protect us that fails us most, maybe you can get out of your little suburbanite lifestyle and work to fix it before you destroy a women who has already been victimized repeatedly by the broken system with your clueless judgements.

After all, how dare I not only survive, but I got strong enough to live.  Shame on me for surviving the system that failed me and daring to try to change it through my own work here.


Moi said...

I want to kick Oregon's friend in the knees for talking out of their ass. They obviously have NO CLUE about domestic violence and what you went through.

You survive, you had no choice about leaving your past life behind you, your EX was a violent and dangerous man, still is.

Don't apologize to anyone. Frankly, my dear Kim, I don't know who oregon friend is but I know from which website they probably are from and it makes me very mad.

The system failed me as a teen, as an adult but I survived and I've moved on to be happy because what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I would never have been able to without God's presence in my life. And you were bless with your husband. I am soo happy for you. And now you have a wonderful life and kids and a loving husband but none of this takes the pain away, it's the fight of a lifetime. I know...

Yout real friend



Michelle said...

It's always easier to blame the victim, to find some way (even if small, even if miniscule) to make them somehow ultimately responsible for some or all they have suffered. You see this with rape; you see this with domestic abuse.

It's no coincidence, to my mind, that these crimes also tend to be the affliction of women. Why are we so eager to make women somehow responsible for the violence and injustice wrought upon them?

oregonfriend said...

I am fully aware of how the cycle of DV works, and I know how crappy the legal system is.
However, I would sell every single last item I owned and work 3 jobs if I needed to afford an attorney.
How do you think your children grew up? Knowing their mother left them in an abusive situation, married again and had more kids.
Why did you not take the time, effort and money you have given to your 'new' family and get your older children?
You made a choice to abandon those children.

oregonfriend said...

Suddenly you are not posting comments? You can deny, shove away, pretend that you did not abandon your children. You know the truth. You made choices,that did not include them. All your posts about what a great mom you are and how you are teaching your children wonderful things. Do they know you left other children? I bet that makes them trust and respect you.