Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Since I am already the least popular blogger

Why not post this?  (I got it off of Fark.)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/amy-siskind/post_799_b_706801.html

The article is about college and rape.  This blog post is more about some of the comments and less about the article.

Before I get started, let me just make a few things clear.  I don't wish rape on anyone.  It is terrifying, humiliating, and the victimization, degradation, and humiliation does not end when the rape ends.  I have been raped.  When there was that big hoopla about Sarah Palin and rape victims paying for their own rape kits, my reaction was "We're not supposed to?  I paid for mine."

That said, let me begin.  There were quite a few comments about why men rape and changing men's behavior.  Someone put forth a common sense comment about a woman and watching where she goes and what she does.  Immediately, it was "blame the victim."  I blamed myself many times.  If this, if that. 

A woman should be able to walk down the street butt naked and be left alone.  That is not reality.  We should be able to live free of the fear of being hit by a car if we play in traffic.  That is not reality.  Logic dictates that if you play in traffic, not everyone is going to avoid hitting you.  You will get hit by a car.  By the same token, if you are in college and go to frat parties where there are a bunch of drunks and you yourself are falling down drunk, dressed provocatively (let's face it, you are not going to go to a frat party dressed like a nun) and are dancing and teasing, crap will happen.  You are placing yourself in danger.

Should you be raped?  No!  No one asks to be raped and no one deserves to be raped.  However, that does not mean a woman should place herself in a situation where she might be a victim.  Just like people lock their doors at night when they go to bed or lock their cars in a mall parking lot to take preventative measures from being the victim of a crime, we as women need to take preventative measures as well.  That means not placing ourselves in situations where we end up on the losing end of a fight for our dignity and our life.

Would you place a wallet filled with hundred dollar bills on the seat of your vehicle in plain sight with the windows rolled down so anyone walking by can take it?  How much more is your life and dignity worth than that wallet?

And yes, I freely acknowledge that I will catch flack for this.  How dare I speak out and tell women to take responsibility for where they go and what they do!  I do it because I care.  And because I have been there.  It wasn't a frat party or a college or even a bar.  But if I had made different choices (wiser choices) I would never have been in that situation wondering if I was going to survive it physically and in the aftermath, emotionally or psychologically.

14 comments:

mad as h*LL said...

I can not imagine how you can even begin to blaim a woman regardless of what she is wearing.
Comparing leaving money in your wallet and being raped is just weak. One has to do with assault against another person. Attacking them, holding them down, not simply picking up money. You are beyond anything I can even imagine.
Simple, stupid, ignorant all come to mind, but are simply not enough.

I pray for your childrens safety, because the last thing they will need is for their own mother to tell them it was their fault.
Shame on you. Really, shame shame shame on you.

Anonymous said...

Seriously??? Comparing a woman being raped at a frat party to playing in traffic or leaving money in your wallet in plain sight is completely asinine. Since you are claiming you were raped at one time, you would think you'd be able make the connect that sometimes these things happen, plain and simple, unfortunately. We all make dumb choices sometimes. But even in light of a not so smart decision, NO responsibility whatsoever lies with the one who was raped. Wish all the women in the world could be as smart as you. Sometimes I think you post this stuff just to see who you can get a rise out of. Nice.

Mrs. Hoppes said...

Yes, crap happens despite taking precautions.

However, are you going to tell your daughters "Go ahead and go to a frat party and get drunk off your butt while teasing drunk guys and nothing bad will happed?" Or are you going to hand her pepper spray (since guns are not allowed on most campuses) teach her self defense, and give her basic tips for staying safe on college campuses?

No, I will never tell anyone that their getting raped was their fault. Men are pigs. Some men are sadistic pigs. Women need to protect themselves. They need to not do stupid crap that will land themselves in these situations where they find themselves fighting for their lives.

If I am a bad person for saying "Use your head" then so be it.

Ang said...

Wow....Why are people verbally attacking you??? I understand the message you are trying send "Don't put yourself in harms way." I agree that in a perfect world no one, male or female, would ever be raped,(or murdered, robbed, etc..) but it is not a perfect world we live in....far from it, and as such, we must protect ourselves. Learn from the past misfortune of others and try to make better choices. My mother taught me not to put myself in situations where these type of things are more likely to happen. It's not about blame....more like common sense. Testosterone + alcohol = bad news !!

Anonymous said...

WAIT... you are saying that if a woman puts herself in a particular situation she deserves to be raped.
Attacking you verbally is exactly what you deserve. Honestly, you are a moron.
Furthermore, you are acting as if men have absolutely no control over their penises. No ability to know right from wrong, regardless if they have been drinkning or not.
Again, your a moron.
I have children of both sexes who are more than old enough to be on college campus, some of them are currently. I expect the same behaviour from both, as they expect decent behavior from others.

Your arguements are weak and frankly scary. I have grave concern over the lack of ability you have to properly educate your children and this last post is the cherry on the cake.
Your poor children are doomed to be ignorant,never having any idea there are so many other choices out there...

You are not a homesteader who makes her own medicine, grows her own food and educates her children.
You are an ignorant fool who is leading her innocent children down a dangerious path.

Anonymous said...

No really share your feelings you dried up sheeple.So are you Amy or Anon, or another "witch" on the hunt?

Anonymous said...

Rape is not about sex, and it is not about being dressed provocatively or anything else. It is about power, and your failure to understand this basic concept makes this entire post of yours sound very ignorant and misogynistic.

I truly hope you wise up a little, at least for your girls' sake. And for your son's sake; do you really want him to grow up thinking he has ZERO control over himself if a woman is dressed "provocatively", and that it's totally HER fault if he rapes her because of that?

Because that's truly what you're alluding to.

Mrs. Hoppes said...

Thank you, Ang. I don't understand what is wrong with a "be careful" message. I did not say rape is a woman's fault. I am saying that (as you had said) when you mix alcohol with college kids (ignoring the fact that most of them are underage drinkers) and testosterone running rampant, you have the makings of bad things happening. And if the woman has been drinking as well, she will be rendered incapable of being able to know when it is time to leave or even notice when things start to get out of hand.

Just as someone who has been drinking should not be driving, a woman who has been drinking should not find herself in a frat house full of drunk men. Both choices have devastating consequences.

As for my son, he is being taught to respect women and watch out for his sisters. My girls are going to be taught to protect themselves. They will know how to shoot, how to fight, and how to use their brains and not put themselves into dangerous situations they can't get out of.

Is that a guarantee of nothing bad ever happening? Heck no! There was a woman who was raped right across the street from the police department in Philly. (The rapist was an idiot and left his ID behind.) But, making wise choices reduces the chance.

Anonymous said...

I am unsure how anyone can verbally attacking anyone on a written blog Ang.

Anonymous said...

Do you plan to teach your son to do the same? Boys/men get raped, too. But is it okay for "Frat Boys" to be drunk, but not women? How will you teach your son to dress or act to avoid being raped? Or is this simply relegated to your daughters, because Real Men Don't Have Bad Things Like Rape Happen To Them? Only women who weren't being "Careful" enough?

You really keep focusing on "Frat Boys" as the main culprit of rapes. You do understand that it's not simply relegated to college campuses, right?

Mad Monkey Mama said...

I have always found it easy to get my opinion across with complete clarity using ad hominem attacks. It really makes the person with whom I am having discourse with open right up and see my point of view!

Bravo for being so bold, Anonymous!

Anonymous said...

I was the first 'anonymous' commenter, but really, does it matter who is anonymous and who isn't? It isnt like you would know who I was if I told you my name. Or I could make something up like Mad Monkey Mama and be equally as anonymous as 'anonymous'.

My point is that by comparing rape to the dumb things like Mrs. Hoppes did makes her sound dumb, regardless of her intended message.

Mrs. Hoppes said...

Ironically enough, "Anonymous", Mad Monkey Mama is not anonymous to me. I know who she is. We've known each other for five years now. Our children have played together. We've been to each others homes (until I moved) and she has helped me when I broke my elbow. She has slapped me upside the head when I needed it and given me a hug when I've needed it. I've bent her ear on more occasions than I can remember covering a myriad of topics including politics and religion. She is a very close and dear friend of mine. I don't know if she knows just how much I value her friendship, but know this. She is far from anonymous.

madmonkeymama said...

To "Anonymous" from the first post: perhaps then you should have said that, instead of resorting to name calling, yes? "Simple, stupid, ignorant" were your words.

Sorry, but that's end of discussion because you're resorting to nonsensical name calling as opposed to logical facts or an attempt at reason.

How about a better way? Try teaching instead of berating. "Mrs. Hoppes, there is a huge fallacy in your analogy and I think you have gone down the road of "slut-shaming" instead of addressing the underlying issue, which is the need for power. I read an article in XYZ Magazine that speaks directly to this."

Amazing, but that would have sent her off READING and learning something that perhaps she didn't know prior.

I am not anonymous to Mrs. Hoppes, but I refuse to put my real identity on my comments here because I have no desire to have the same barrel of whackaloons that harass her coming over to impose their supposed moralistic superiority on my blog.