Thursday, September 10, 2009

Tired, Stressed, Unsure

I am working myself to exhaustion.  I ended up calling in sick last night at 9:15 because I couldn't breathe, was running a low-grade fever, and couldn't sleep and could barely function.  I slept last night and slept in until the phone rang at 6:50 this morning and Husband answered the phone.  It was work trying to find out where I was because I didn't show up at 4:00 am.  Apparently, M didn't pass on the message.

This morning, I am feeling better and Husband looked at me and reminded me that I have landed myself in the hospital in the past for exhaustion and it will happen again if I don't do something.  I am going to try to get back to nights.  This is insane.

Remember when I made my list about my priorities?  Ok, so maybe I didn't.  I thought I did.  I know I spoke with people about it, but I can't find it here.  Anyway, it went like this:

  1. God
  2. Husband
  3. Children (Husband and children are highly interchangeable based on what is happening.)
  4. Home
  5. Farm
  6. Business
  7. La Leche League
  8. McDonald's

When I had first shared this with Husband, he had made mention that I did not list myself.  I made the comment of "Well, that's a given."  Apparently, it isn't.  So, I need to list it.  As it is, work has interfered with the first four already.

  1. I missed church last night (and this is not the first time) due to exhaustion and feeling sick from the exhaustion.
  2. My husband is feeling neglected even though he would never say it.  
  3. My children are being affected by my insane morning hours and lack of sleep.
  4. My home is a disaster.  Not all of it can be blamed on the tornado.  (Speaking of, construction is supposed to start today.  Well, it was supposed to start yesterday, but that's a different story.)

All of this because what is supposed to be at the bottom has wheedled its way to the top.

When I first started working there and was on nights, I was told "You're going to hate it."  Yes, there have been rough spots and I smoothed them out and got some of the more crass talking to stop through my own creativity.

Then, I am switched to mornings.  I loved the opportunity and learning experience of opening up the restaurant and learning breakfast grill.  (And by sheer force of scheduling, switching to lunch and learning lunch grill.)  My last night working nights, I was told by people at work "You're going to hate it."

I don't hate nights and I don't hate mornings.  What I don't like is the scheduling of the morning hours and making myself sick.  I enjoy the work while I am there.  I am working with a different group of people.  I enjoy both groups of people.  (Although to be honest, I enjoy the night time more.  The morning group, when A comes in, what goes from easy banter quickly switches to silent treatment of me.  But, whatever.)

I am going to talk with S about switching back to nights and having my schedule be Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday.  I can not keep going like this. 

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