About my MIL

Thoughts for/of MIL

It is no secret that my MIL and I didn’t always see eye-to-eye. She had a deep resentment for me that she made very little attempt to hide. When I came along, I upset the apple cart so to speak. I took her baby.

As I look at my children, I can understand that feeling. There will never be anyone good enough for them. Or if there is, they will have to work very hard to prove it.

While my MIL and I didn’t always get along, my love for her never faltered. Did I always agree with her on things? No. But that does not change the fact that in trying to show her that I am worthy of her son’s love and of her respect, she made me be a better person. Having to prove myself to her, I had to prove myself to myself.

These last couple of years as she had more and more things taken from her, she held onto her stubbornness. She demanded that we see her not as a weak and withering old woman, but as someone with spunk. Someone to be reckoned with. It didn’t matter if it was over her walker or if it was walking down the block. She was going to do these things, but on her terms.

As I fed her, washed her mouth, propped her up, and tried to keep her comfortable, she still refused to be pushed. Things still had to be on her terms. If she didn’t want to eat, she would clamp her mouth shut or shove a tissue in her mouth. If she didn’t want her mouth cleaned, she would make it difficult at best.

I don’t know when she realized she was nearing the end, but she made sure that I knew how she really felt about me. Two weeks ago, she looked at me and said “Keep doing God’s work.” Last Sunday (the last time I saw her alive) she looked at me as I walked out of the room and mouthed “I love you.”

I love you, too, Mom. And serving God is my priority in this life.